Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
