How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
