It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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