tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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