Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
