You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
