So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
