My brain says no but my pants say off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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