So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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