I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
