He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
