i was born a porn star she said
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
