you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
