Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
