yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
