Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
