FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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