My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize