Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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