I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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