i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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