piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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