I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
