Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
