wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
