I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
