Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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