i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
