Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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