I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
