Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
