Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
