She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
