there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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