so explain again why im purple
no
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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