ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You have to summon your inner elephant
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
