you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Alive.
So much puke
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
