I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
