remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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