Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
