the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
