They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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