Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
