no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
