one two three fourrrrnication!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
