So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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