Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
