Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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