The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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