I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
