so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
