so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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