Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
