Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
