and she was petting her beer can
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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