Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize