The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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