I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
