apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
soo... how was my night?
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