There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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