He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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