peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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