come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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