I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
