Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize