You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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