He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
