If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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