she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
