i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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