dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
