I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
